The Angry Exile: Blame The Simpsons.

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Blame The Simpsons.

I read this, I think oh for fuck's sake.

Krusty the Clown might have a pacemaker, and Selma and Patty raspy voices, but that doesn't mean children will be repelled by the cigarettes hanging out of their mouths on The Simpsons.

A study of the US cartoon — rated one of the most popular TV shows in history — has raised concern that a high incidence of smoking among the characters might encourage young viewers to pick up the habit.

Like I said, for fuck's sake. I suppose no-one expressed concern that young viewers might go round being an unnatural colour or get preposterous beehive hairdos.

Researchers Dr Guy Eslick, an international fellow of the International Union Against Cancer, and Marielle Eslick, analysed 400 episodes of the first 18 seasons of the show.

Fuck, good job guys. I wish someone would pay me for sitting down and watching The Simpsons for a couple of hundred hours. I'm positive I've missed some of the sofa sequences.

They found a whopping 795 instances of smoking or references to smoking.

...

Smoking was mostly portrayed in a neutral way, but in 35 per cent of cases it had negative connotations and 2 per cent of the time it was shown to be positive.

So even assuming that children emulate what they see on the show, which is a bit of a stretch if you ask me, 98% of the time smoking is shown as negative or neutral - what's your fucking problem anyway?

While the researchers acknowledged the move may have been intended as satirical, they said that even when smoking is portrayed in a negative way, it can still influence young people's behaviour.

...

The researchers concluded that "just being exposed to The Simpsons characters smoking in so many episodes may prompt children to consider smoking at an early age".

Oh, fucking typical. It can, it might, it could, it may... when are we ever going to see some research that says something can, will or does have an effect? All we ever fucking get are these weasel words can, might, could, may because the health fascists and media scare mongers who love to publish this stuff know bloody well that they mostly can't prove any casual relationship. They can't prove that The Simpsons is the factor between those children who go on to smoke and those who don't, and I very much doubt that they'd even believe that anyway. It's not as if The Simpsons is the only place where children will see the smoking exists, is it? Some will see smoking going on in their own homes, and I suspect that what parents and older siblings do will have more effect that a bunch of cartoon characters - the government are certainly happy to push that idea in anti drinking adverts. Others will see it in old movies or even outside in the street. So what the hell is this whining about The Simpsons in aid of?

The study was published as the Cancer Council Australia yesterday urged the Federal Government to increase the size of graphic warnings on tobacco products.

Ah, there's my answer. Meaninglessly link popular cultural reference with bad habit (and as an ex-smoker I don't disagree that it's a bad habit) to get headlines, pressurize the government and further the agenda. How very strength through joy of them. And how pointless.

Look, as much governments like to pretend they care deeply about the health of citizens and would like them not to smoke I'm far from convinced. Most governments are at least as addicted to the tax revenue from tobacco sales as any smoker is to the filthy weed, and in fact probably much more so. It wasn't easy but I quit smoking, but I don't see any moves on the part of the Australian government to simply declare tobacco illegal and cut off that particular revenue stream. The smoking ban is nothing of the kind because it didn't stop anyone from nipping outside for a smoke. Heroin is banned, cocaine is banned, cannabis is banned, crystal meth is banned, ecstasy is banned... smoking is slightly inconvenient. Get that? In no way is it actually. Fucking. Banned. And that's the most effort the government has so far made to get people to stop. And all these Simpsons viewing clowns want now is to have bigger and nastier nag warnings on the packets. Thanks fellas, call us back when you take your hand of it, eh.