Is this the same Nick Clegg?

Click for linky

On Friday night, François Fillon, the French prime minister, interrupted an official visit to Brazil to call Mr Clegg to "clarify" his recent comments that Britain's credit rating should be reviewed.
The Deputy PM told Mr Fillon that his recent remarks and those by other senior French figures had been "simply unacceptable and that steps should be taken to calm down the rhetoric".

Yeah, I know. Being told off by Nick Clegg. It sounds like being savaged by a kitten that's been quite heavily sedated, doesn't it? But you know, I reckon he meant it. He might even have meant it more than Cameron meant to say 'no' to the Merkozy being last week, and I wouldn't rule out Clegg going for the full diplospeak version of je t'encule in the future.

Because I think Cleggy boy has noticed something. His reluctant BFF next door has suddenly become more popular with the electorate. Undeserved, perhaps, but even if Cameron stood up to the EU for Britain by complete accident he'd have got some political capital out of it, and Cleggy probably fancies a little of it for himself. Hang on, he may be thinking to himself, there's votes in this Euroscepticism thingy. And let's face it, for a man who's only a liberal or a democrat as and when it suits him it's not impossible that he might decide to be a Europhile only when it's worth his while as well.

To paraphrase Marx - Groucho, that is - these are Nick's principles and if you don't like them he has others.

I've banned smoking in the road outside my house

Of course I've done no such thing really. Smoke in here and I'll tell you to put it out, go outside or just leave. If you take the last option I must accept that once you're any measurable distance at all from my gate, even if its in millimetres, I have no right to tell you to stop. Well, that's how I see it, and I don't feel that's anything to do with being a libertarian and a fan of property rights - it is, but it's mainly just being fair and reasonable.

But of course not everyone is prepared to be fair and reasonable with smokers, the twenty-first century's designated primary untermenschen (drinkers and salad dodgers being the next down the list). Three months ago I left a slightly off topic comment over at Velvet Glove, Iron Fist on a post about smoking establishments starting to reappear in places in Europe. I said this:

Slight tangent, this. I saw a sign in a office building doorway here in Oz recently that said something like 'No smoking with 5 metres of this doorway'. Might not have been 5 metres (I didn't think to get a photo) but I remember looking at it and thinking that that applies to rather a lot of pavement and even a bit of road that I very much doubted the building's owners had any legal control over.

I should have added that I thought the idea was not only a bit iffy from the property rights angle, what with it setting rules on land the rule maker doesn't own, but that it was completely ridiculous anyway - I've been a non-smoker long enough to have grown to dislike the smell, but I find that a couple of paces is all that's needed and sometimes not even that. Metres plural? Several metres? That's just being silly.

A quick google image search suggests that these X metres away from the door restrictions are springing up everywhere now as I found examples of signs in Canada and the US plus a UK site selling them them in 5, 10 and even 20 metres of self righteous bastardry. What I haven't found, except in Queensland where they are mad and have banned smoking 4 metres from entrances with a $200 fine (PDF) if you're closer than that, is any indication that these things can carry any legal force where that area is both open and public, much less owned by someone else. Even in Queensland footpaths are going to be less than 4 metres wide often enough that this is a problem, and where the smokophobes have demanded the right to make rules over an even larger area of property that doesn't belong to them it can become significant. How significant I noticed last weekend on a trip into South Melbourne.

The buildings I've highlighted here form the Spotlight Centre, a small suburban shopping centre consisting of Spotlight, a supermarket, a pharmacy, a few small stores and cafes, and a gym in the larger building on the right, and an Aldi and a Dan Murphy's liquor store in the one on the left.

Smoking is, of course, prohibited inside according to state law, though this only came into force in July 2007 and I very much doubt smoking was allowed inside before then. I can't remember having seen a shopping centre anywhere that permitted smoking in their buildings even before the law banned it. However, the Spotlight Centre has gone further and has decided that they don't want nasssty smokersss gollum stinking up their entrancesss, no preciousss. And so there are signs on the doors which say, among other things, 'No smoking in centre or within 10m of entry', though for reasons which I'll come to I don't have a photograph.

There are three entrances on different streets to the main building and one to the smaller building (there looks like there will be a second when a currently empty unit is filled). I've marked out the rough size and extent of the no smoking zones that result from Spotlight's banning of smokers a full ten metres - nearly 33 feet in old money - from their entrances, first as they are and second as they'll be whenever that last main unit with its own entrance is occupied. Embiggering is possible on both images.

Yes, not only do the owners of the Spotlight Centre not want you to smoke inside their buildings, which is perfectly reasonable and absolutely up to them even if there wasn't a stupid law demanding they do what they'd almost certainly do by choice, but they're so insistent that even their doors are protected that they demand the right to ban smoking in cars parked outside or even driving past. 'No smoking in centre or within 10m of entry' is what it says and there's no mention of an exception for people who are within that distance but are inside their own property, much less on public property.

Of course the reason for this new phenomenon of pushing smokers even further away is as simple as it was predictable. Give the smokers a place to go, as was the policy in the past, and they'll go and smoke there. Take it away and they'll smoke wherever there's a bit of shelter instead, and often that means doorways and entrances where 'normal' people - or 'tomorrow's victims of denormalisation' as I like to think of them - have to go in and out. This is particularly true of workplaces, which generally used to cater for smokers and non-smokers alike and would often set aside a room or an area for the smokers if there was space. The law then said they had to stop doing that so of course the smokers ended up going outside, and if the weather was poor naturally they'd stay as close as possible to the door. Incidentally, this is the reason why there's no photo of the Spotlight's Centre's sign informing of their 10m exclusion zones - I did take one but I didn't realise that a member of staff who was standing a couple of metres behind me having a cigarette was reflected in the glass, and such casual defiance of an unreasonable rule didn't deserve to be rewarded with evidence put on the interwebs for anyone to see.* For all I know it's a sacking offence, so just take my word for it that it really does say 10 metres.

The effect is clear. Wherever there have been smoke bans in certain buildings there are now smokers who want or need to use those buildings dragging the life out of their smokes around the entrances rather than relatively evenly spread around, and having been brainwashed into increasing levels of terror at the sight of a lit fag much of the non smoking public have kicked off often enough that some now feel they can apply their own in house rules beyond the boundaries of their property. Currently this is not enforceable anywhere I know of apart from Queensland, where, as I mentioned, they are mad but also rich enough to be able to hire thousands of Zone Enforcement Response Officers (or ZEROs) to roam around with 4 metre tape measures and books of fine forms.** Sadly it's only a matter of time before somewhere else follows suit and introduces legislation too, and if it's here in Victoria there'll be close 170 feet of non-smoking pavement on one South Melbourne road which you won't even know about until too late because the damn signs are attached to the bloody doors ten metres inside the zone. Worse, a piece of footpath on which you can smoke today could be turned anti-smoking simply be someone knocking a hole in the wall and putting a door in.

And as usual with all anti-smoking measures that will be cheered by some non-smokers when it should really be feared by smokers and non-smokers alike. Because when someone else gets rights over property they don't own the can is open and the worms are wriggling everywhere. Don't believe me? Well, as Leg-iron and Bucko have just pointed out coffee drinkers look like joining the ranks of smokers, drinkers and salad dodgers, and while I don't currently have any desire to ban even strong smelling coffee being consumed by someone who happens to be walking past my house it happens that I am a tea drinker, you see... ***

Can't happen? Yeah, I expect the smokers who'll be walking out into roads all over the world to avoid getting too close to someone's door thought that too.



* Or maybe it wasn't defiance but the rain that kept the mystery smoker near the door. It was pretty wet that day, but I doubt that's an excuse so I'm still not using the photo.
** My mistake. Queensland is $53 billion in debt and would be even deeper in the hole if it hand't sold some state assets. And I made the ZEROs up, though that doesn't mean something like them doesn't really exist.
*** Coffee too, but that spoils the point.

Brings a new meaning to the term 'joystick controller'

I just don't know what to say about this but I'm slightly surprised that some feminazi isn't screaming that it's sexist because it's been designed to exclude women, sorry, wimmin.

You'd move house, wouldn't you?

View Larger Map

Let's get the flock out of here

Or if we're talking about pigs, the herd. And obviously that's a lot easier if the herd has its own fully signed, designated escape route which it knows because there have been escape drills. Yes, we're still talking about pigs, and no I'm not making this up. I've banged my head on the desk once or twice but this bloody article is still there.

Click for linky and loss of will to live

If fire engulfs a piggery in Monto, its residents can rest easy. That fluorescent exit sign above the doors will save their bacon.

And also saves me making that joke. Predictable, I know, but better than the 'hamstrung' one the Courier Mail used in their headline.

In one of the most ridiculous rules stifling small business in Queensland, piggery operators are required to install illuminated exit signs inside pens occupied solely by pigs.

Okay, look, I know pigs are supposed to be relatively intelligent creatures but I can spot two flaws with this. Flaw number one is that I'm pretty confident they're not that intelligent. Flaw number two, and this is important for anyone who believes you can teach a pig what a sign's for, is that's a running fucking MAN on the emergency exit sign.

But it's okay because after that the rules begin to make sense. No, just kidding, they don't.

Regulations also demand an escape door for pigs to use in case of fires...

You might already spot the potential problem here.

... but which farmers fear the animals can use any time.

Which suggests that someone in the Queensland government has failed to recognise that emergency exits aren't used all the time because you can explain to people that this exit, this one over here, is for emergencies only and that one over there is for coming and going as you please. This is simple enough even for a fairly young child to grasp, but I wish you the very best of luck if you're hoping to explain it to farmyard animals. You're going to need every bit of it.

Oh, and then there are the fire drills. Fire drills! That must have been funny enough to sell tickets for.

"Right, we'll try again. Now, Napoleon?"
"Oink?"
"When I blow this whistle you call Pinkeye and Squealer..."
"Squeeeeeeaal!"
"No, listen..."
"Squeeeeeeeeeeaaal!"
"Just listen a minute..."
"Squeeeeeeaaloinkoinkoink."
"Ah, screw it. They'll all be in bits on cold shelves in a few weeks anyway."

"A concrete block shed with steel roof trusses and corrugated iron roof, built to hold 60 pigs in four pens, had to have a fire hose, an illuminated "EXIT" sign above each of the two doors and an evacuation procedure displayed in a prominent position," former pig farmer Darryl Stewart told an industry survey.

A fire hose? But how... ?

"The biggest difficulties were teaching the pigs to read the signs and procedures, conducting fire drills so the building could be evacuated in orderly fashion and training the four most intelligent pigs as fire fighters.

Presumably chosen from among Pugh, Pugh, Barney MacGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Snouter.

And it had to be done all over again every three months because that is when a new batch replaced the old batch.
"Oh, and rounding them up from anywhere within a 5km radius after every fire drill was not much fun either."

Okay, I am actually laughing now because I've got this mental picture of pigs running in every direction apart from back to the piggery, and there is Benny Hill music. Still, this is a former pig farmer and he's probably kidding, right? Right?

Ian Hill, of Bailey Creek Piggeries in Mulgildie, confirmed to The Courier-Mail exit signs were legally required in pens.
"It's one of the council requirements that when you put a building in that they want illuminated exit signs at every piggery building," he said.
[...]
A Biloela piggery owner confirmed signs and particular types of doors that pigs could use in a fire were a legal requirement.
"We had a fire inspector come through here when we put up sheds years ago, and he made us put in fire extinguishers, put up the illuminated signs ... There's no deviation," he said.

And of course the serious side to this is that of costs to business. Someone's got to go out and buy signs which are meaningless to the inhabitants of the buildings they're put up in, plus install and maintain equipment that those inhabitants can't operate with trotters or even comprehend the purpose of - with the exception of the pig operable doors that are supposed to be for emergency use. Not only that but you can't cut corners because there are inspections, and to cap it all your taxes are helping pay not just for the inspectors' wages but also the clown who I'm guessing saw Porky the Fireman while stoned off his dial and thought it was a good idea.

Memo to the Queensland government. Don't attempt to teach a pig Occ. Health and Safety. It wastes your time and annoys the pig, but really infuriates the poor sod who has to pay for it.

Guilty 'til proven innocent

I was going to blog on the arrest (with free strip search thrown in) in Germany of Tracey Molamphy on a charge she knew nothing about relating to an incident involving someone she was with more than 12 years earlier, but SadbutMadLad has already done a thorough job on it over at The Raccoon Arms.

Was she unlawfully arrested? No, because the EAW is law. Was she unfairly treated by the German police? No, they were following their lawful procedures. So if everything was above board and followed the law what was wrong? The fact that no evidence needs to be shown to back up the extradition request.

The only thing I'll add is that thanks to the European Arrest Warrant and its provision for detention with absolutely no prima facie evidence, and of course the feckless politicians who signed the UK up to it, that nasty little phrase 'Guilty 'til proven innocent' effectively applies to everyone living in the UK. For that matter it applies to everyone else in the world who might visit any part of Europe - if a British citizen can be picked up in Germany over an incident in Portugal then there's no reason why an American or an Aussie or a Japanese tourist visiting London couldn't be arrested over a years old accusation they no nothing about in a completely different part of Europe. Any protection that might be afforded by a statute of limitations will depend on which country issued the warrant since many don't have one.

'Kinell!

A new standard for "Too much information"

As reported already by Max Farquar and thoroughly pisstaken by The Daily Mash, The Daily Mail's Liz Jones has given the world a new standard for TMI.

... I decided to steal it from him. I resolved to steal his sperm from him in the middle of the night. I thought it was my right, given that he was living with me and I had bought him many, many M&S ready meals.

Ugh. Between Dervla Kirwan's soft porn voiceovers for M&S food ads and Jizz Loans' revelation that she considers that buying some of their ready meals is a fair exchange for a Durex load of her other half's baby gravy I'll never be able to look at any ready meal ever again.

One night, after sex, I took the used condom and, in the privacy of the bathroom, I did what I had to do.

Stoppit, for Christ's sake.

... I resorted to similarly secretive methods to conceive in my next relationship.

The saddest part of this for Jizz Loans is that having revealed herself to be a serial spunk thief - c'mon, Jizz, you knew damn well they weren't just using a bag to avoid catching anything - her chances of finding anyone willing to play hide the sausage has, er, shrunk. There will be the usual blokey jokes about her looks and remarks along the lines of "I wouldn't, eh, fellas?", but with what the Mail calls her most shocking confession yet Jizz Loans has also shown a manipulative side that a lot of men will find a bit of a turn off.*

I'll leave the last word to the Mash.

DAILY Mail experiment Liz Jones has urged men across Britain to send her their used condoms.
[...]
Jones said: "I can't wait for the parcels to start arriving. It'll be like a never-ending Christmas as I rip open each little packet and squeeze the contents into my trembling uterus."
Meanwhile, she has urged donors not to include a photograph or any personal details as she wants her baby's surprising DNA to provide up to five years worth of ground-breaking journalism.

Almost the last word. If anyone wants me I'll be in the shed, upside down in a bucket of mind bleach.


* That wording implies the possibility of something even more shocking up her sleeve, or possibly on it. We can only hope not.

Things I still don't get about Australia - No. 35

Is panel beating a dying trade here? Is it getting hard to get car bodywork done? Or is it just expected that the average Ocker will do a Heath Robinson job on his driveway, nod appreciatively at his work and go "She'll be right" as he wanders off to find another beer? I didn't think so but I think I must be mistaken given the picture on a roll of tape I bought today.

Declaration: I bought it to repair a chair.

And people wonder how governments run up such huge debts

Take Italy, for instance. Everyone knows it's up a certain creek without a certain implement. Everyone knows that if the shit hits the fan in Greece Italy could be next. And yet the Italian government is buying 19 Maserati Quattroportes and modifying them with armour at a cost of a couple of million Euros... for just one ministry.

Italy's Ministry of Defence has been forced to defend its decision to purchase 19 Maserati limousines at a time when the government is cutting billions in public spending in response to the European debt crisis.
The four-door Maserati Quattroportes, which start from $118,000 in Italy and are powered by a 4.2-litre V8 engine, are reportedly replacing the ministry's fleet of Audis and Lancias. They have been armour-plated for additional protection.
[...]
Italy's defence minister, Ingazio La Russa, has accused the opposition of a "witch hunt", claiming the Maseratis were purchased using funds from the 2008-2009 budget and therefore before the introduction of cuts by the Silvio Berlusconi government.

A defence minister there, missing the point by a fucking mille miglia. Of course Britain should resist any temptation to get at all smug about this.

From Jan 18th

From August 14th

And let's be realistic, with the Cobbleition's track record over its 18 months driving the bus it won't be long before spend some money they haven't got on something far more catastrophically stupid.

Hello, I must be going

Click for linky

Both my readers (hi, Mum) along with pretty much the entire English speaking world, and certainly those parts of it that have seen either Crocodile Dundee or any of a large number of Australian beer ads, will be aware that "G'day" is a common greeting between Australians.* That's a greeting, Telegraph. A greeting, got it? "Good day" might have been used both as a greeting and a farewell, but not "G'day". Or if it is it's very rare. Certainly I've only ever heard Aussies - and we'll leave aside the fact that Mrs Windsor isn't one anyway despite being queen of the place - say "G'day" when they arrive, not on their way out of the door. It's Australia's "Hi" or "Wotcher"not some Down Under equivalent of "Aloha" that can be used interchangeably.

So I can think this headline is down to one of three things: it was done by someone who's about 80 and can remember when British people said "Good day" and thought it was used the same way; it was done by someone middle aged as a very subtle tribute to early 80s Phil Collins music; or it was simply reaching for a stereotypical Australian stock expression because fuck it, the tabloids would have and they outsell The Tele, and who cares if the result makes as much sense as saying "Chuck another prawn on the barbie, we're off now."

And what the hell's a picture of Barry O'Barma with Mrs Queen in London doing in a story about her leaving Oz? Jeez, couldn't you guys find a picture of her in Perth?


* Generally it should not be attempted by naturalised Australians, resident migrants or visitors - it sounds right in an Aussie accent but makes anyone else sound like a tit.

Getting blood from a stone...

... must be something Oz's chief tax collector believes he really excels at, because he's asking for an extra $300,000 a year for it. No, not $300,000 but an extra $300,000 - he already gets (I won't say 'earns') half a million.

AUSTRALIA'S top tax official has come under sustained attack in a Senate hearing for lobbying to get himself a 58 per cent pay rise.
Tax Commissioner Michael D'Ascenzo is at present paid just over half a million dollars.
He has written to the Remuneration Tribunal asking for a package of around $800,000 to bring himself into line with other agency heads such as the head of the Securities and Investments Commission and the Competition and Consumer Commission.

Well if it's just a matter of bringing into line there's a perfectly good solution, though the heads of ASIC and the ACCC wouldn't like it, but to be honest I don't see why any bringing into line is necessary. If the job's worth a minimum of $800,000 then they wouldn't have been able to get anyone to do it for less. As it is Michael D'Ascenzo was prepared to do it for half a million and is now having an attack of the sads because some other people get more. I'd hope the tribunal recommend dropping the salary by the exact amount he wants it raised and seeing if anyone still wants the job.

Asked by Labor senator Doug Cameron how much extra he was planning to pay his own workers, he said the increase would be about 3 per cent.
Asked to put a percentage figure on the pay rise he wants for himself, he said he ''hadn't worked it out''.
An increase from $505,000 to $800,000 would amount to 58 per cent.

< Whistles > Hey, Occupy protestors. Greedy and exploitative fat cat alert, but you need to get your signs and arses over to Canberra and protest there. Seats of government are the root cause of everything you've got your cocks in a knot about anyway.

Mr D'Ascenzo defended the application, saying it was a matter of comparative wage justice.
Labor Senator Mark Bishop, who chairs the committee, said comparative wage justice hadn't been used as a basis for justifying wage increases since the 1970s and 1980s.

Good for Mark Bishop, and worthy of my 'Politician's getting things right' tag. But it must also be said that it's nice of Mr D'Ascenzo to bring it up in October, the end of which is the last date for getting tax returns in and so is a month when taxation is on many minds. I'm sure I can guess the thoughts going through most of those minds as they learn that the Australian Tax Office's capo di tutti capi (well, he runs the ATO and has an Italian name - if you think I'm not going to make a joke Mafia reference you're very much mistaken) already earns something like ten times the median salary and now wants more than half as much again.

I think it's an offer I think we can and should refuse.

Out on the street, Grandad, you don't need this place anymore - UPDATED

In case you haven't heard about this... well, they call themselves a charity but since what they're suggesting doesn't seem too charitable I'll just call them this bloody Intergenerational Foundation mob, and their idea of 'encouraging' old folks to sell up and move to smaller houses I'll direct you to the Snowolf, Longrider and Bucko the Moose, who all cover everything I could possibly say about it and much more besides. All I'll add is that if the name 'Intergen Foundation' came up in a movie you'd probably assume it was an evil sci-fi corporation. How close that is to reality is probably down to how you see retired homeowners.

UPDATE - despite the strong waft of fake charity emanating from this bunch I see that they're a new charity (like the world was fucking short of 'em) and so there are no accounts to look at yet. But it'll be very interesting to see what proportion of their income comes from the public sector when they do produce accounts, very interesting indeed.

Don't ask a journo to check your pulse

A terminally ill taxi driver? Really?

The late Mr Bills has become the first man to be mummified in the style of the ancient Egyptians for at least 3,000 years.

"The late Mr Bills" would tend to suggest that he's not so much terminally ill as actually dead. Or did The Mainly Fail get a second opinion?

Irony

Click for linky

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

A top European court banned the Soviet Union's famous hammer and sickle from being used as a commercial trademark as it is "a symbol of despotism" in some EU countries.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

"The symbols in question would be seen as contrary to public policy and to accepted principles of morality by a substantial section of the relevant public living in the part of the European Union which has been subject to the Soviet regime."

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha haha ha. Haha. Heh.

If they'd said refused to grant it trademark status because it's too well known a symbol, or because it's been public domain for so long that it's just not practical, or even because trademarks and IP in general are something which are being abused and were never supposed to be a route to easy money for IP holders and their legal departments, if they'd said any of that I could have respected it. But instead an institution that dictates to EU member states and hands down decisions felt by some to be morally a bit shaky side has knocked back this request because of the Soviet Union's dictatorial nature and whether using its symbols for business is moral. Motes and beams, boys, motes and beams.

As the saying goes, you couldn't make it up.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Who is Miss Terry and what's she objecting to? - UPDATED

From a comment on Zero Hedge via Nanny Knows Best, some mystery objects springing up in North Wales. Quoted en bloc except for the addition of commenter names from Zero Hedge:

In fact, on the subject of pollution, what the hell is going on in Wales?

Mitzibitzi

Of possibly more worrying importance for Europe is that I saw today THREE brand new 'boxes' being installed in my local area. Green, 4 feet tall, air intake on top, exhaust vent on the back, air pump constantly pulling air through a suspiciously military looking black metal unit inside. Couldn't see all of the printing on that, but it looks like a NSN (Nato Stock Number. I'm ex-RAF and I've seen millions of them). Built hurriedly (I'm an engineer and I know the difference) with commercially available components everywhere you can see by shining a torch through the vents. Installers all very hostile to anyone asking questions. Which I did. Was pointedly told to fuck off and mind my own business.

Ok, they're quite obviously environmental monitoring stations. But designed to measure what? Fallout?

ping

After Fukushima, most of the governmental rad monitoring stations in North America and many parts of Europe went dead. Offline. We have no bananas. No one here guv. What's this 'radiation' thing again?

What's your local area? On what type of land are they sited? Also, did they have UHF/VHF antennae on top? A flat satcoms box? A panel for access to a display/meter? Solar panel on top, or wired to the grid, etc?

Ta muchly.

Mitzibitzi

North Wales, UK.

All on cycle paths; moderately 'off the beaten track' positions. Looks like theres a GPRS antenna inside near the top (top made of fiberglass and marked 'Morgan Marine' on one corner), also a visible 'wallwart' that looks very much like a cellphone charger plugged into a 6-pack extension strip mounted inside on the back. All 3 sited immediately next to a street light pole and wired into it (fresh asphalt strip between pole and green box on all of them).

They're not elegantly engineered at all. Look thrown together out of the cheapest commercially available parts they could get - rain guard inside mesh screen on top is simply a plastic funnel with a rubber 'condom' blanking off the top.

Look like this;

...almost exactly, but green and much cheaper construction. Really bad / hasty silicone sealant application on all exterior joints, etc..."

ping

Thanks for the response. If you can post the rough co-ordinates, I'll take a look some weekend! :o)

Looks unpleasantly like a rad monitoring station. Can't be weather stations, no anenometer etc. (Obviously, you know that.) Mind you, lots of local authorities also monitor everything from pollen to air pollution, and their monitoring stations can look painfully bodged together. It wouldn't surprise me if some spiv from the public sector convinvced the EU to shell out a couple of million for some 'vital' (i.e. not vital) environmental monitoring stations that would keep him and his mates in work for a few years. Probably wrote on his grant application that it was important to measure North Wales' incredibly high pollution levels, and some bloke in Strasbourg signed-off on it. When you look at the other council-sponsored white elephants in the region, that wouldn't surprise me ;o)

Any ideas anyone?

Indeed. I'm not one to reach for the tinfoil whenever I want new headgear but if the guy really did ask and was told to burn off it bears looking at. What and why? Anyone know or know someone who might know? Anyone in North Wales able to get more details off them and maybe FOI it to see whether you get a straight answer or if an attempt is made to kick it into the long grass? I'm not going to take much notice of the Fukashima remark and I'm prepared for it to turn out to be an innocent and reasonable purpose - radon gas monitoring in areas on lots of granite, methane monitoring if there's a badly maintained or designed landfill nearby, something like that. Per Hanlon's Razor I don't like to ascribe to malice (or conspiracy if you prefer) anything that can be explained by incompetence, and Britain has enough self important jobsworths about that it's perfectly plausible for someone asking a perfectly reasonable question to which there's a completely innocent answer to be given the flick instead.

All the same... what is it?

UPDATE

Mitzibitzi

Well, you'll be pleased to know that the local knobheads have also apprently decided it's suspicious. Cos they've kicked the fuck out of it and the fan ain't working now. ;-}

I'm hoping to spot whoever comes to do the repairs and pick that moment to walk the dog. If the guy gets arsey about me taking a few pics of the innards, then we'll know whoever owns it has something to hide.

www.PETA.xxx

Is it just me or does this sound like the worst porn in the universe?*

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, no stranger to attention-grabbing campaigns featuring nude women, plans to launch a pornography website in the name of animal rights.

The non-profit organisation, whose controversial campaigns draw criticism from women's rights groups, said it hopes to raise awareness of veganism through a mix of pornography and graphic footage of animal suffering.

What the fuck is that going to look like?

DINGDONG

Hi, I've come to fix your

washing machine.

    Oh, good. So would you like to

    [meaningful pause] come inside?

Yeah. Hey, is it hot in 

here or is it me?

            Yes, I [meaningful pause] like it that

        way. Would you be more comfortable

 if you took your shirt off?

Well, I will if you will.

Wanna help me? You might

get a bit [meaningful

pause] wet.

             Okay, but first let me stab this rabbit

            in the face and dissect its brains all

over your chest, big boy. 

Squeak, stab, splat, gurgle, squelch, slice, plop

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

SLAM!

Never mind all the jumping up and down about degradation of women - if they're not being dragged into the porn studio then women who choose to have sex on camera for money is a non-issue as far as I'm concerned. But I do think it suggests that PETA have got more money than they know what to do with because I can't imagine anybody gave them a loan for this. Seriously, PETA, by mixing porn and images of animal cruelty you're going to have two problems. First you'll attract the the most deeply depraved, sick deviant fucks who'll actually get off on that sort of thing, which sounds rather counter-productive from your perspective. Second, you'll be responsible for preventing more erections than the combined efforts of every local council planning office on the planet, which doesn't seem likely to produce much in the way of repeat business. Oh, and if it's vegan pornography the leather fetishists won't watch it in the first place.

Really, PETA, you've jumped the cruelly caged and ruthlessly exploited shark this time.

* In time that might really fuck up some search results.

Seriously, New Zealand?

I mean, seriously?

Over-zealous officials are said to have banned bagpipes from the terraces amid fears that they could distract Scotland's opponents - despite the fact that they have featured in previous tournaments around the world.

Well, it's their stadium terraces so it's up to them, but the justification seems pretty silly. I suppose there might be something in the idea that the sight of a man in a skirt apparently fisting a screaming octopus is distracting, but since Scotland have yet to win the World Cup and haven't won the Six Nations since it was still the Five Nations possibly, just possibly, it's no more distracting than that French brass band who play like they're on amphetamines or Phil Vickery's face. Or that war dance that the national team of a certain south Pacific island nation do before every international match.

It's NMA World News again

"Unload!" magazine? That's... that's just wrong.

H/T Huffpo. Yeah, I know, but I can give it up any time I like.

Congratulations and what the fuck?

Congrats to four of my long term blogroll fixtures, Leg-iron, Captain Ranty, Max Farquar and Pat Nurse (of Tea and Cigarettes), for being in the top 50 non-aligned bloggers at number 3, 18, 23 and 27 respectively, but looking at who they had for company prompted a what the fuck moment here.

Hello? "Non aligned"? Richard Murphy? Seriously? If Richard Murphy is non-aligned then I'm a Tory. Mind you, now I think of it I haven't called Cameramong a cunt for a while, but I think that problem's just solved itself.

Anyway, Akubra doffed to those four up the top there. We are not worthy, we are not worthy, etc etc.

We're all going to die, yet again

I was going to write something about the latest example of greenie toad licking / pushing the warble gloaming bandwagon along to keep those grant cheques coming, this NASA paper paper co-authored by a NASA affiliate about how Earth might be destroyed by aliens as a punishment for our warble gloaming sins (blogged at WUWT and the Real World Libertarian) and enthusiastically printed by The Grauniad. But aside from having little to say that's not already been said, in particular the point brought up by WUWT that this was a "fun paper by a few friends" that nonetheless ended up passing peer review to be published in the journal of the fucking IAA, I think The Daily Mash have done it far better than I could have.

MORK from Ork will blast your face off unless you reduce your average fuel consumption to 62 miles per gallon, scientists have warned.

Experts said intelligent extra-terrestrials will detect increases in the Earth's CO2 emissions and wipe us out because studies into 14 different species of intelligent extra-terrestrials have all confirmed that is exactly how they behave.

[...]

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "We now need to have a debate about whether angry alien genocide research is more terrifying than one of those book covers that has huge waves crashing against the middle of Big Ben.

"And it has surely got to be more effective than some fucking documentary called 'The Last Gnu' or 'Cry Me a Desert'."

He added: "My initial research confirms it is now imperative that we pinpoint a likely planet from whence our murderers will emanate and then publish painstakingly accurate drawings of what their flying saucers will definitely look like.

"We should also give them a name. I suggest 'the Monbions'."

The Monbions! Priceless. I imagine their flying saucers will somehow look like an archaeologist in nuclear explosion propelled fridge jumping over a shark. While you're trying to work out how anything could possibly look like that why not go and read the rest?