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Cheers - AE

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Open your wallets, drop your trousers and grip your ankles.

Just when I was thinking the pattern was going to be broken normal servicing, and by servicing I really do mean being well and truly fucked by people who take the fucking of the rest of us quite seriously, is resumed. Counting Cats had it right all along, though as I said in my comment over there I feel that they might even have had a standby document ready to sign before any of the 65,000 tree saving, planet loving, neutered carbon people actually got on aircraft - fuelled by unicorn kisses, presumably - or checked in to Denmark's famous luxury hotels which produce all the electricity they need purely through love of Gaia.
The details of the draft are not known yet but the move came hours before some 130 world leaders were set to convene in the dying hours of the climate summit at Copenhagen.
The usual last minute agreement reached after everybody stayed up all night. How ashamed I am of my lack of faith. It could not have been otherwise, could it? You don't send 65,000 people to negotiate and alternately accuse and blow smoke up each other's arses for a week only for them to come home and admit they actually achieved fuck all. Even if there hasn't been a real agreement, and the fact that the details are being kept shtum rings alarm bells, they had to have an agreement for the media folks. Even if what they're about to sign is in reality no more a binding agreement on the other parties than Neville Chamberlain's piece of paper, and even if, as I suggested over at Counting Cats', it boils down to nothing more than bureacratese for 'this was a lot of fun on someone else's dollar, let's do it again in [insert date here] and hold it in [insert resort here]' they had to sign something or their respective populations would go screaming batshit. Divided into believers lead by the likes of Charles the Weird, who demand action to retain control of something we've never had any control over, and sceptics lead by little more than a sense of outrage that Britain alone pissed away £130 million on this fucking talking shop, voters might not have been keen on the idea of continuing these junkets if the delegates come home shrugging their shoulders and scratching their balls. The real need for an agreement was so they could save face and look forward to doing this again in a couple of years.

On the other hand the report comes from the Sydney Morning Herald, a source of very strong green support and the co-initiator of the world's biggest environmental circle jerk involving an ever increasing number of dicks. Not only can they probably be relied on to spin things the right way but they're so keen to believe that everyone is seeing the light and salvation is at hand that they might even hail an agreement for all delegates to share taxis to the airport as an historic moment. However, if it's actually a serious 'breakthrough'  in green terms you have to wonder how much trouble we're in. How long will it be worth staying in western/industrialised nations and trying to make a living when our own governments are so determined to rob us and give the money to other countries in the vague understanding that it will be spent on bird mincers wind turbines and solar panels rather than presidential palaces and Kalashnikovs?

On a tenuously connected matter I've had a flyer through the post today from my federal MP. I haven't dared look at it because I glimpsed the word 'Copenhagen' and expect that whatever it has to say will make me very, very angry indeed. I've put it on a pile of things that I'm saving for when I have the energy or have been told my blood pressure is too low.

H/T WUWT for the SMH article.

UPDATE: PDF of the draft agreement here. I've just skimmed through it and it's grim but it could be worse - lots of rhetoric that everyone agrees that something must be done but little actual commitment to doing anything in particular. Some highlights:
The Parties emphasise their strong political will to combat climate change in accordance with the principle of common but differentiated responsibilities and collective capabilities.

... the Parties commit to a vigorous response through immediate and enhanced national action on mitigation based on strengthened international cooperation.

The word 'commit is there but the enhanced national action is carefully not specified and nor is the form or degree of the extra strong minty international cooperation. Hey guys, I commit to be taller next year based on getting a better view for the footy season. Fucking easy when all you have to do is just say it, eh?
The Parties should (not must or will - AE) cooperate in achieving the peaking of global and national emissions as soon as possible...
Again, words of intents and apparently no fucking idea how to achieve it. Magic wands?
The Parties agree that developed country Parties shall provide adequate, predictable and sustainable financial resources, technology and capacity building to support the implementation of adaptation action in developing country Parties.
Now some meat: we are indeed going to be robbed by our governments and the money given away but how much and when isn't said. However, the word 'predictable' in there would seriously worry me if I was a third world nation relying on this cash coming through because fairly recently the 'developed country Parties' failed epically to see the mother of all financial fuck ups coming.
... pledges by developed country Parties to provide new and additional resources amounting to 30 billion dollars for the period 2010-2012... In the context of meaningful mitigation actions and transparency on implementation, the Parties support a goal of mobilizing jointly 100 billion dollars a year by 2020 to address the needs of developing countries.
Okay, the bad news is that's a lot of money over the next couple of years, and the worse news is they intend it to grow from shitload to arseload by the end of the coming decade. The good news is that it's just a goal that everyone supported. No actual commitment there.
A High level Panel will be established ... to assess the contribution of the potential sources of revenue ... towards meeting this goal.
More jobs for the boys. Had to happen.
In order to enhance action on development and transfer of technology the Parties decide to establish a Technology Mechanism as set forth in decision -/CP.15 to accelerate technology development and transfer (must be desperate for filler if they felt the need to repeat themselves in the same sentence - AE) in support of action on adaptation and mitigation that will be guided by a country driven approach and be based on national circumstances and priorities.
Er, what? What is the Mechanism, why does it have a capital M and what do you mean by a 'country driven approach' and 'national circumstances and priorities'? More intentions and rhetoric with no actual details.
The Parties call for a review of this decision and its implementation in 2016...
Won't we be inundated with refugee polar bears from the ice free north pole by then? Didn't the Prince of Fails just tell you that we'll lose control - I'm still chuckling about that - of the climate by 2016?

I'm sure there's plenty more but I've lost the inclination to pick over it any further. If I was to put money on it, and in a way we're all going to be forced to whether we want to or not, I'd say that aside from the rhetoric the real commitment is that there'll be some quieter deals done over the money and there'll be another big fuck off junket in the not too distant future, which will be attended by even more than rocked up to Copenhagen and which will be far too important for teleconferencing.

In the meantime across a small stretch of water from Copenhagen a well known car manufacturer is slowly circling the drain, but that should be treated as good news by the 'Parties', yes?


UPDATE 2: Dick Puddlecote's found what we're all going to be fucked with.
Introducing "THE EARTH ANGEL" the worlds first ever green technology sex toy.
The greenwashing alone is bringing tears to my eyes so they can just keep the fucking thing to themselves.
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