The Angry Exile: Curiosity maimed the moose.

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Curiosity maimed the moose.

What it did to Mr Puddlecote I'm not sure, but having been hung, drawn and simultaneously buried in multiple graves I'm sure it isn't anything he can't handle. Still, since he and the Moose have tagged me to describe the blogging environment of Chez Exile I think they're in no danger here. In no particular order, and skipping over the obvious like computer, mouse, printer, we have:

Two tape measures
Some cat hair
A piece of plastic that fell off my chair earlier today
A coaster
A bunch of USB flash drives
A stack of blank DVDs
Some permanent marker pens
Some more cat hair
A four month old copy of the Royal Automobile Club of Victoria magazine that I deliberately kept for some reason that I'll probably never remember now
An Allen key, fuck knows why
A landline phone and a charger for my mobile
A Maglite torch
A letter from some thieving bastards calling themselves something like Her Majesty's Revenue And Cuntscum offering me the chance to permanently lose more money in their version of Bernie Madoff's investment scheme
An English dictionary (English English, the Strine version is on a shelf)
A broken iPod that awaits love and coaxing back into life, or a short meeting with a ball peen hammer
Yet more cat hair
A menu for a new pizza restaurant
A watch
A coffee mug that missed the washing up round up from 12 hours ago and has therefore not been washed up since last year
A bottle of alcohol free fizzy piss (empty)
A shelf of hardback books, mostly non-fiction
A can of compressed air to help blow away all the cat hair until one of the fuckers comes and sheds all over the desk again

There's some stuff I've glossed over but that gives an overall impression. Needless to say everything is upside down.

I'll tag Uncle Bill and Captain Ranty.

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Captain Ranty · 742 weeks ago

I will make it my first post of the New Year.

Mr Merlot and Mr Shiraz are screaming for attention. I have checked up on the recommended government dosage and I am going to see if I can multiply it by 20 and still have a functioning liver.

CR.

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Angry_Exile 90p · 742 weeks ago

Make the most of it while you can still buy alcohol without the staff at the bottle shop being made to ask you whether or not you also smoke. :D

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Dick Puddlecote · 742 weeks ago

Wahey! More tape measures. :)

I have a pouch of allen keys on my top shelf too. Fuck knows what they are intended for, though.

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Angry_Exile 90p · 742 weeks ago

An imponderable mystery: why do tape measures like to meet on desks? Is it a quiet place where they can plot against the screwdrivers or what?

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Bucko · 742 weeks ago

Allen keys? They turn up all over the place, but when you actually need one, you can never find one the right size.
My recent post Happy New Year!

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Captain Ranty · 742 weeks ago

Job done:
http://captainranty.blogspot.com/2011/01/desktop-...

CR.

1 reply · active 742 weeks ago

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Angry_Exile 90p · 742 weeks ago

Two monitors, flash sod. ;)

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