The Angry Exile: Nothing better to do at The Graun.

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Friday 7 May 2010

Nothing better to do at The Graun.

Seriously, Graunies, staring intently at girls' knickers is terribly un-PC and I'm very disappointed that you don't all know that. I mean why, especially when there are other things to notice?

Did the Sun Photoshop the page 3 girls' underwear?

What, you mean like put knickers on them when they weren't wearing any?

Nope.

The Sun claims Labour and the Lib Dems would abolish page 3. But did it alter the colour of the models' pants to underline its point?

Seriously, who'd give a flying fuck if they did?

The scantily-clad, human rights-threatened women appear to have taken a united stand against such a grim scenario in today's newspaper, by all wearing blue undergarments in an apparent unanimous show of support for the Conservatives.

They did? I thought it was 'tits out for Tories' or something along those lines, especially given The Scum's recent Damascene conversion, and doubly so since the point is resisting any ban on having their tits in the paper. So what they're not wearing is somewhat more relevant than what they are wearing, even if somebody has been playing with Photoshop.

The online version of the same picture shows only one of the 16 models wearing blue apparel, while the rest opt for non-partisan colours such as lime green, purple, white and black. One is even wearing red (she'll probably be sacked by the Sun before any Labour/Lib Dem legislation comes into force).

The models are in the same positions, striking the same poses, in both images, so it would appear Photoshop has been employed to colour the models' political views.

What? WHAT? Do you seriously think the girls choose their underwear according to their politics? Are you completely retarded or is that what they use for rosettes on your planet?

But the burning question is: which is the original picture? Did the Sun change the colour of the women's pants to match the blue of the political party it is backing in the general election? Or has it acted to thwart this determined gang of right-wingers by painstakingly altering the uniform hue of their underwear to more varied shades?

Not much of a question, really. I'd suggest the one with multi-coloured pants and where're they're nearly all tanned is the original and the tans got lost with the change in colour of the knickers. Or looked too OTT and risked upsetting the tanning police. The real question should be, as I may already have mentioned, who on earth gives a rip about it?

Either way, it's frightening.

Not as frightening as the level of excitement this guy is showing. With more tits on show than tomorrow's Downing Street photocall this bloke is creaming it about having spotted a bit of pshopping in a (newly) Tory supporting red top.

Down boy, and if your keyboard has stopped working tell them it was a banana smoothie.

1 comment:

Man with Many Chins said...: A message for the Graun

Shut.The.Fuck.Up

Seriously, have they got nothing more to worry about than the colour of some bint's knickers?

Maybe the discovered there was a bit of camel toe showing, and thats why they supposedly photo shopped them to a different colour?

What utter cunts they are at the Graun; 7 May 2010 at 18:16