The Angry Exile: Save the planet, shoot Skippy in the face

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Monday, 11 July 2011

Save the planet, shoot Skippy in the face

Since the day I created it my Blogger profile has always ended by mentioning that I eat kangaroos. I was slightly surprised to find it on the shelves in pretty much every supermarket I've ever been in here and I do know that there are a few people who feel there's something not quite right about eating an animal on the country's coat of arms (I've tried emu too but it doesn't seem to be as easy to find - I've not eaten many animals from British heraldry since dragons and unicorns are even harder to get, but I have had my share of lion bars). But I was willing to try it and while it's quite gamey and probably not to everyone's taste I came to enjoy it. Good thing too because it turns out that it could save the planet, at least according to people who want us to swallow something even stranger looking than a giant mouse thing that bounces around the countryside at 40mph or more and occasionally laminates itself to the front of road trains.

Researchers in South Australia recently announced exciting new work confirming the Tamar wallaby has special bacteria in its digestive system which causes it to emit negligible levels of methane. Cattle and sheep on the other hand belch methane by the tonne, making them a significant source of greenhouse gas pollution. The researchers, and the press, have run away all excited because this opens up the possibility of introducing this bacteria into the stomachs of cattle and sheep and therefore hopefully reducing their methane output.
But hang on a second. Aren’t we missing an obvious point here? Before we start playing around with the guts of animals and causing goodness knows what unforseen consequences, shouldn’t we be asking, ‘Why don’t we promote the consumption of more kangaroo meat to reduce our carbon foot print?’.
[...]
It’s not because of sustainability concerns. The kangaroo industry has been harvesting kangaroos on a large commercial scale for more than 40 years. State and federal governments have extremely complex and rigorous systems in place to ensure the harvest is sustainable. During the recent drought the kangaroo population fell to only historically average levels, in spite of an ongoing commercial harvest.
It’s not because of animal welfare concerns. Kangaroos are harvested under a code of practice enforced by extensive government monitoring. Unlike cattle, they are not shipped all over the place and killed by untrained people in abattoirs. Kangaroo Harvesters have to undergo TAFE training and accreditation by government officers in welfare regulations before they can get a licence.
It’s not because the meat isn’t good for you. Kangaroo meat is at most only 2% fat. Plus it’s full of a compound called conjugated linoleic acid, which actively reduces blood pressure. And it really does taste pretty good.

Well, I've been doing my bit to help tackle warble gloaming, even though I think it's both probably natural and beyond our ability to tackle anyway. Still, if it's in a good cause I don't mind chucking another roo on the barbie. If you like venison you might like roo meat too, but if not then something vac-packed in a nice marinade might be more your thing. You can even have it in a curry as per this 'vindaroo' recipe. But best make the most of it because before too long someone will decide that in fact it's dreadfully bad for your health and eating it is equivalent to stabbing baby polar bears.

What's that, Skip? You want to be turned over? Okay, let me just get the tongs.