The Angry Exile: "One eyed Scottish idiot"

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Sunday, 8 February 2009

"One eyed Scottish idiot"

I don't imagine Jeremy Clarkson was suggesting that being one eyed and Scottish makes Gordon Brown an idiot, more just identifying which particular idiot he was referring to by using one eyed and Scottish as distinguishing marks. But surprise surfuckingprise the usual load of professional offense takers, small time politicians (almost exclusively Labour, Scottish or both in this case) and charity mouthpieces all pop up to give their opinions to the press and generally sell tickets on themselves.

Lesley-Anne Alexander, chief executive of the RNIB, said: "Mr Clarkson's description of Prime Minister Brown is offensive."

How the fuck would you know you sanctimonious bitch? Gordon Brown tell you that himself did he? Or can you read his mind? If the answer to both is no then you're taking it upon yourself to take offence on behalf of someone else. It's deeply patronizing, and if it was me on the receiving end of Clarkson's comments I'd be more pissed off with people like Lamely-Arsed Alexander treating me as if I was too thick or too spineless to stand up for myself (granted the possibility that Gordon Brown might be too thick or too spineless, but for a fat, middle aged loud mouthed TV presenter I reckon he could have made an exception - it's not like he's got to beat Clarkson in an election or anything).

Alexander goes on:

Any suggestion that equates disability with incompetence is totally unacceptable. We would be happy to help Mr Clarkson understand the positive contribution people with sight loss make to society."

And:

Professor Alistair Fielder, trustee of leading research charity Fight for Sight, said: "These comments are highly discriminatory as they imply that someone with defective vision cannot function as an intelligent person, which is obviously incorrect."

Do some background research you dopey twats. Clarkson once got a blind ex-soldier, not one eyed but properly blind, called Billy Baxter on Top Gear to do a timed lap of the circuit - Mr Baxter driving and Clarkson giving directions from the passenger seat. I don't think he needs you two to fucking tell him that disability isn't to be equated with incompetence.

Frankly I can't think of anything the RNIB have done that's made me think, yeah, blind people can make positive contributions. And I've never even heard of Fight for Sight. But I watched that episode of Top Gear when it first aired and was bloody impressed both by Billy Baxter and by Clarkson's level of trust in Baxter's blind driving. Not everyone would get in a car with a driver who couldn't see even on an airfield with very little to run into.

Then we've got this tit:

Lord Foulkes, a former Labour Scottish minister, said: "If the BBC banned Jonathan Ross for what he said and they have taken Carol Thatcher off air for something she said in private, then something should be done about Clarkson."

Scottish, check. Labour, check. Ex-minister for something unspecified, check. Never fucking heard of him, check. Vindictive authoritarian wanker who has no fucking clue that freedom of speech means allowing people to say things you might not like to hear, check. Back in your box.

And his Knobship was joined by:

Iain Gray, the Scottish Labour leader, said: "Such a comment is really a reflection on Jeremy Clarkson and speaks for itself. Most people here are proud that the Prime Minister is a Scot and believe him to be the right person to get the UK through this global economic crisis."

Such a comment is absolutely fucking meaningless and says nothing whatsoever, but is really a reflection on the type of tedious, self important, political wanker who wants to be noticed. But I'm impressed that he's asked everyone in Scotland their opinion on Gordon Clown and can state confidently that most are proud that he's a Scot. Personally I'm fucking embarrassed that he's the same fucking species, so I wouldn't be too keen on making much of any national ties. Anyway Iain Gray, shut up and get back in your box too.

The whole fucking lot of you love loudmouths like Clarkson (and Carol Thatcher, and Jonathan Ross, and so on and so on) making controversial remarks because you get damp spots at the thought of your chance to pontificate. Get a mirror, some string and a nail and give the rest of us a fucking break.