The Angry Exile: The Force is strong with this one.

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Sunday, 21 March 2010

The Force is strong with this one.

I laughed about this before (well, it was fucking funny) but I missed a serious side to the story from not a long time ago in a Job Centre far, far away* that kicked out some Star Wars fan who's swapped his anorak for a Jedi robe when I blogged on it a couple of days ago. But this evening I saw this in the Grauniad:

The equality bill says any 'heartfelt' belief is a religion – yet Star Wars disciples are still being asked to de-hood.

Chris Jarvis, aged 31: the force may be with you. Jarvis is the Southend Jedi knight who refused to dehood in his jobcentre and has now received an apology from the manager for the lack of respect given to his "religion or beliefs". Being a Jedi knight, though, and committed to struggling unceasingly for justice and civilisation, Chris spurns such mouthings as empty, choosing rather to endure to the final triumph, and is planning to sue for discrimination.

I'm so sorry. At this point I have to go and have a lie down until the giggles stop.

Okay, that's better. But a serious point is being made here. We all know that you can't slag off someone's religion in Britain these days because it become a hate crime (unless you're gay in which case they hated you first.... I think). So if the job centre had told a Sikh to ditch his turban or a Muslim to remove her hijab there'd have been a huge shitstorm about it, but some guy who edits Wookiepedia in his spare time? As far as I'm concerned they're all beliefs based on something that might (by massive coincidence) be true but is probably a complete fiction, so I'm happy to treat them all the same way. But however seriously we take it legislation says he can't be treated that way even if we do think he's mad as a bag of monkeys, right? Or maybe not.

Jarvis says: "I am a Star Wars follower. It means following the Way of the Jedi ... The main reason is I want to wear my hood up and I have got a religion which allows me to do that." Hmmm. According to reported glosses from the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) to accompany Harriet Harman's new equality bill, Jediism seems to have been excluded on the grounds that it is not "heartfelt"; other definitions include "worthy of respect" (which excludes, apparently, believers in human sacrifice). Tricky, isn't it?

Not really. If Harriet Halfwit and the various other government fuckcakes deem it worthy of respect it gets protection, and if they don't it doesn't (the various Christian denominations want to fucking watch out for that one in my opinion). If they think you're not serious - and I very much doubt the onus is on them to prove you're not - then you don't get protection either. See? Easy to understand. It's all down to what Harriet Harperson and her colleagues and successors think.

Now if you think that's a good idea think again, because really it's bad news for all. For us secular types who might prefer to deal with similar thinking people we have the constant possibility that a fucking movie fan can take us to court if we tell him to stop waving that toy light sabre around, or more realistically because they believe in the carbon fuelled warble gloaming dogma. And it's just as bad for religions because if protection depends on how seriously the powers that be take it then you all lose if ever someone gets in who takes absolutely none of it seriously.**

Better to stop legislating to make people nice and let them deal with things themselves. Now someone tell me where to find this Welsh Jedi wannabe so I can sit him down and explain that all this has happened before and all of it will happen again. And to try very hard not to laugh when I say it.

* It not be where you are but Swansea is a bloody long way away from here.
** Vote Angry Exile for your secular freedoms.