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Cheers - AE

Friday, 20 May 2011

Literally the ultimate business opportunity - UPDATED

As The Wasp notes the world is going to end tomorrow. Yes, really it is, and the guy who says so, an American by the name of Harold Camping, is completely reliable because he's got a lot of experience in predicting Judgement Day. Okay, sure, that does mean he's predicted it before - for September 1994 - and actually, oh dear, nothing at all happened.

Still, never mind, he's bound to be right one of these days and for all anyone knows his careful calculations that it's game over tomorrow will turn out to be it. And just in case it is some atheist animal lovers have stepped in to ensure peace of mind among those Christian pet owners who will be rapturing off or up or whatever without their four legged friends. Our pets, it seems, may be beloved but unfortunately don't rate the celestial upgrade to Dearly Beloved, and so as you float off Eternal Earth-Bound Pets steps in.
You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
And at a very reasonable rate of US$135 for the first pet and $20 per pet after that. What? No refunds makes it seem a bit pricy actually? Oh come on, it's not like you need money where you're going, and if you're sure about it...
We are currently active in 26 states, employing 40 pet rescuers. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.
Or until October the 21st, which according to Harold Camping is when the the world and everyone on it who didn't qualify for rapturousness will actually go foom. On the other hand, just in case Harry hasn't quite managed the impressive feat of reading the mind of his god and has got it wrong again a contract with EE-BP is good for ten years. And as point out that means any Mayan Long Count Calendar Catastrophists out there might consider taking a punt.

Personally I'm going to send them an email asking if they cover a zombie apocalypse.

UPDATE - and on the subject of a zombie apocalypse, isn't this just the kind of place you'd want to be in if it started? More pictures here (browse to the projects section and look for "Safe House") including one of a cat sitting on a drawbridge. You just know the poor sod who goes looking for the cat is going to be the first to have his brain eaten, don't you? Or is that alien xenomorphs chewing your face off I'm thinking of?
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