The Angry Exile: And now for some sexist humour from the Kiwis.

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Monday 18 January 2010

And now for some sexist humour from the Kiwis.

Well, supposedly it's sexist and portrays women over 35 as sex objects, but I can't see it myself. And judging by the comments on this article I'm not the only one.

'Don't you think it's about time we got over this bloody Political Correctness rubbish? the ad is meant to be a joke...'

'These days if you are not "appalling and disgusting "at least one or two yapping self-interest groups you are not really trying. In saner times I would be worried about offending people but in these times I would be disappointed if I was not.'

'The PC brigade, removing humour from a screen near you - again.'

And in case you think that's representative of only one gender look at the last couple of paragraphs in the article itself (my emphasis).

An airline spokeswoman said the campaign was supposed to be "light-hearted" but some older women had "taken a bit of offence to it".

"[They] felt it was an unfair kind of blanket comment," she said.

However, many didn't, with 60 women signing up to go in to win flights, tickets and cougar costumes to attract the attention of young males.

Not that that stands any chance of satisfying the 'nobody may be offended by anything ever again' mob, natch.

7 comments:

microdave said...: Well I take offence at it - because I'm 53, and the thought of being pursued by an old dear on an electric buggy is too much to contemplate.....; 18 January 2010 at 23:36
JuliaM said...: I thought it was hilarious!; 19 January 2010 at 05:06
Bill Sticker said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 19 January 2010 at 05:18
microdave said...: "I thought it was hilarious!"

Entirely agree - I was just being flippant earlier. From your recent posts it seems as if Australia is going down the pan, but be thankful - at least you got to see this. There wouldn't be a snowballs chance in hell of it getting air time here...; 19 January 2010 at 05:42
Dick Puddlecote said...: I want one. Can I get a cougar in a pet shop? ;-); 19 January 2010 at 08:41
Angry Exile said...: microdave, I wouldn't say Australia is going down the pan, or at least it's no further than anywhere else in the western world and not as far along as some (*ahem* UK *ahem*). When I blog on this sort of politically correct shite here you have to bear in mind that plenty of Aussies will be muttering 'that's bullshit' before turning back to the beer and cricket. It's only the tedious pricks who either dream up this stuff or wish they had but were busy dreaming up something else just as stupid who really approve. Oh, and that proportion of the general public who think people should be flogged for not keeping the lawn mown. If I'm brutally honest I think there are probably more of both where I'm from than where I ended up, though both countries share the same problem: keeping the bastards out of power is really tricky.; 19 January 2010 at 10:57
microdave said...: I've visited Australia twice (back in the 80's) and more recently New Zealand. I was thinking about emigrating, and on the face of it all looks rosy. But delving beyond the glossy brochures you soon realise that many of the same problems exist.

I guess the realisation that I could turn my life upside down, and still end up being pissed off with officialdom made me chicken out....

I'm too old now (and not rich enough) under the points system to have any chance of a re-think!; 20 January 2010 at 02:59