The Angry Exile: Fucking computers.

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Fucking computers.

Actually I should say 'fucking web browsers' - why can't they all do something as simple as display the fucking page the same way? For a while now I've had this blog set up with a look I like and that I'd adapted with my very limited knowledge of HTML from a Blogger template, only to suddenly find out that that's when you look at it in Safari on a Mac. Opera seems to be okay but the title and picture is slightly off in Firefox which makes the bad language warning hard to read. As for Windows, every browser seems to be wrong including the two that were right in OS X. Making it bold seems to make it stand out more but fuckety fuckety shit, I liked it the way it was. Yeah, sure, it's only my blog and hardly the end of the world but it's annoying all the same.

So, if you've never noticed the comment in the title that there will be bad language I suggest you go and buy a Mac and use Safari or Opera, and then my tendency towards Anglo Saxon won't risk offence since you'll be able to see the warning. True, I use the F bomb before you even get that far, but at least it'll look like I intended it to. On the other hand if you don't care I can learn to live with it.

These two work, but it all goes wrong from here.

Shite.

UPDATE: Joe Public comments that I should stick to using Opera, which he feels is the most underrated browser out there. I tend to agree that Opera is underrated and I expect plenty of people - the type who think Internet Explorer is the only browser for example - have never even heard of it. In fact I've been using it off and on for the thick end of ten years. But in Windows it doesn't display the blog title text properly either, and I think it still doesn't play nice with the bookmark syncher I use. Synching multiple machines is the reason for using mainly Safari at the moment but I miss the mouse gestures and Apple still haven't put a duplicate tab function on the latest version, the twats. Most of my computer time is spent in OS X anyway where there's still thing that annoy me hugely, not least Apple's fucking corporate Messiah complex and their attitude to an ongoing complaint I have with them, but at least I spend more time doing what I want and vastly less swearing at it.

2 comments:

Joe Public said...: Just use Opera (in Windows), the most underrated browser out there.; 10 September 2009 at 01:35
Bill Sticker said...: Have a similar problem; changed the header graphic and faffed around with the header and descriptive text colours as a workaround. It's not the same in all browsers and O/S, but gives a moderately satisfactory result in most.; 11 September 2009 at 08:55