Furball warming.

Thanks to Dirt Hour we have idiocy such as this.

VICTORIA — B.C. Environment Minister Barry Penner was hoping to spark a little romance with his wife over a candlelit dinner Saturday during Earth Hour.

Instead, he accidentally set his cat on fire.

He fucking what?

You know, I sit here now with a (not at all) miraculously un-scorched cat gazing at me from her perch on a shelf, and I marvel at how I can turn day into night without all the danger of flames. Even last Saturday evening Dirt Hour passed by without so much as a single incident of feline or canine immolation in the Exile household. And how can this be when someone as wise as an Environment Minister might still inadvertently barbecue Kitty?

Oh yes, it's because we use ELECTRIC FUCKING LIGHT BULBS.

"We actually enjoyed a very romantic candlelit dinner that was only interrupted when our cat set himself on fire by brushing up against the flame, which caused some excitement," Penner deadpanned to reporters Monday.

I can't think of anything more romantic than sitting with some fair trade Pinot and talking about Gaia across an eco-candle* while watching pets leaving smoke trails around the room.

"But we quickly got our cat, whose name is Ranger, under control. His hair is a little bit singed and his pride is somewhat affected. It will be a night that we'll remember for a long time."

And by that do I take it to mean that you have, as other politicians might say, learned a valuable lesson from this and elected to use electricity to light your home in future? At least while doing so would be safer for your pet cat?

Well, no, and I didn't fucking expect so to be quite honest, but this really is pushing the recycled paper envelope of eco-wibblery.

The environment minister held firm to the no-electricity rule by refusing to power-up an electric fan to clear the room of the smell of singed cat hair. Instead, he opened the window.

Tell me, you fucktroon, if you'd set your house alight would you have insisted the fire department use non-carbon emitting pumps to supply the water to put it out? I hope this was less about you greener-than-thou fucking grandstanding and more because the smell of burnt cat fur wasn't actually that strong.

Anyway, I'm going to let you into a little secret - if you set up enough fans just past a windfarm you'll get more green electricity out of it.** So they're a Good Thing.

The cat wasn't hurt.

As a lifetime cat lover may I just say that I'm very glad about that, that I'd have been happier still if the article had lead with that, and that Ranger's lack of injury should not put him off taking a huge dump in one the Minster's shoes and being sick in the other one. For Christ's sake, cats are at worst mentally ill and at best only moderately bright representatives of the animal kingdom. In other words they're thick as mince and don't understand things like how fire spreads. Yes, I'm sure a cat would run like buggery from a roaring inferno because big flames and heat and noise would be properly frightening for any animal. He probably wouldn't get too close to an open fire either, because the point at which the cat's decided he's warm enough would be far enough away not to set him alight. But a candle?

"I thought he'd have a natural aversion to flame, but apparently that's not the case," said Penner.

From Ranger's perspective the candle flame was a shinylightthing that the bigfoodgiftbringermonkeys were sitting around and was therefore harmless. Part of being a responsible pet owner is not putting your pets into harm's way and doing the thinking for them that they're unable to do for themselves. This means not letting your pet rat nibble electric cables, not throwing your dog's favourite fetch toy across the freeway and not, as you've no doubt gathered, letting the cat wander around by naked flames. Not too hard if bigfoodgiftbringermonkey gives it a couple of minute's rational thought, is it?

And was it worth it? All this cat burning and Gaia saving? Well, not in California according to WUWT, where it's claimed that it was 'just as ineffective as last year'. In British Columbia?

The near-loss of Penner's beloved cat marked an otherwise uneventful Earth Hour for British Columbia.

The province's electricity load dropped only 1.04 per cent, the smallest decrease in the three years since B.C. has participated in the global event.

Aside from how unimpressive that sounds at face value I can't help but wonder if it's even more unimpressive. 1.04% lower than what? The hour before? Same time the day before? Previous Saturday night? What? Without that knowledge the number is meaningless. Worse, by the greenies' own standards what should be measured is not electricity load but carbon emmissions, and for that there's no figure at all.

On the other hand this religious ritual has wormed itself so deeply and firmly into the brains of some people that at least one seems happy to have taken part despite setting fire to his cat, and will presumably do so again next year. Hopefully there'll be no repeat of setting fire to Ranger, but then the priests of Gaia aren't actually demanding burnt offerings yet.

H/T to Mr Eugenides.


* Which emits plenty of CO₂ for the amount of heat and light it gives off, but which seems not to count since you don't have to plug the fucking thing in.
** Yes, I know. But when this sort of thing is being considered, even installed, the idea of an electric fan powered wind farm would probably be taken seriously too. In fact, fuck it, let's all draw up some proposals and see if the government will fund it.