The Angry Exile: I'm a PC ..... and I'm a complete bastard.

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Thursday, 18 February 2010

I'm a PC ..... and I'm a complete bastard.

I've mentioned before that I like my Macs but I'm not completely in love with the company that made them. This is partly my own experience with less than stellar after sales care (actually I thought it was just as bad as any other cuntputer company). And it's partly their ridiculous twattishness over some IP matters, such as anything involving the word 'apple' or anything that looks even fucking remotely like an apple and names for apps that include the name of the Apple product they're designed for. And it's partly that they seem prepared to use the thinnest of excuses to avoid warranty work. I mean, fag smoke? Be-fucking-have. Now, courtesy of Cracked.com, five reasons you should be scared of Apple.

Personally I don't actually need any more reasons. They've got me as a customer because the desktop machine is ultra-reliable and the laptop is great when it works, which to be fair is more often that the Windolt machine it replaced but for more than $2,000 it fucking well should do. But they've been sufficiently wankerish about the MacBook's issues that Apple Care effectively became instantly worthless. And the so called Genius couldn't understand why I wouldn't buy it, or replace our Nokias with iPhones or treat myself to a new iPod to replace a very elderly one on its last legs. So no iPhones, no iPod, no Apple Care. Instead new Nokias (much cheaper) and, as threatened, a new generic MP3 player (also cheaper and with a hilariously ripped off not quite a clickwheel interface). And a new tool kit for MacBooks so I can fix the cunting thing myself when it refuses to play nice. Lost sales to Apple, thick end of $3000.

Good work, fucknuts.

3 comments:

microdave said...: Hmmmmm.... I won't view Mr Gates in quite the same light from now on!

It seems to me that you could draw a similar comparison to cars. Yes I suppose a Lexus / Porsche / Bentley etc are very nice and provide every comfort & convenience. BUT when they go wrong (and they do) you are totally in the hands of a limited number of specialist dealers, who charge accordingly.

Wheras the rest of us have to put up with Ford / Holden (in your case) etc. Not so flash and probably give more trouble, but they get you from A to B, and you can get them fixed anywhere for a fraction of the price. And if you fit some fancy wheels or modified suspension, it won't refuse to start....

And one more thing - I get ever so slightly pissed off with this "PC versus Mac" crap. PC means Personal Computer - what the hell is a Mac if it's not one of them???; 19 February 2010 at 09:01
Angry Exile said...: That's quite a good analogy, and an excellent point about the PC vs Mac campaign.; 19 February 2010 at 09:24
BTS said...: None of this makes any sense to me as I have no money to spend.

Possibly not the most helpful or enlightening of comments but hey, what do you want, blood..?; 19 February 2010 at 12:04