Dopenhagen.

What's really going on there? We're told it's going tits up, but as the Cat Counter mentioned the other day there is a pattern of playing up the importance of talks before every climate related junket, then encouraging a media beat up about how hard it is to get agreement, before finally banging something together to sign, supposedly at the last minute, which is hailed as pulling an important victory for the planet from the jaws of defeat. Rah rah! But on the other hand maybe the African nations really have spat the dummy, and now it appears China is joining in. And then there's the hilariously inconvenient - sorry for nicking your meme, Gore - timing of the CRU emails and, just in case people were starting to forget, a reminder from the Russians with a PR to the effect that yes, some data games were being played as far as they're concerned.

On Tuesday, the Moscow-based Institute of Economic Analysis (IEA) issued a report claiming that the Hadley Center for Climate Change based at the headquarters of the British Meteorological Office in Exeter (Devon, England) had probably tampered with Russian-climate data.
The IEA believes that Russian meteorological-station data did not substantiate the anthropogenic global-warming theory. Analysts say Russian meteorological stations cover most of the country’s territory, and that the Hadley Center had used data submitted by only 25% of such stations in its reports. Over 40% of Russian territory was not included in global-temperature calculations for some other reasons, rather than the lack of meteorological stations and observations.

I'm seriously wondering if the pattern breaks here and the usual 'historic agreement' is not reached after all.

Still, it's all to play for because an extremely compelling figure has, not for the first time, added their voice with a warning of what we're in for if we don't wise the fuck up and stop doing, well, almost everything that living in the Twenty First Century involves.

The world has only seven years before climate change causes a “point of crisis” that will drive food shortages, terrorism and poverty, the Prince of Wales has warned.

Oh goody. I can actually update the warble gloaming diary dates. Go on, Charlie, don't let me stop you.

“The future of mankind can be assured only if we rediscover ways in which to live as a part of nature, not apart from her,” he said. “The grim reality is that our planet has reached a point of crisis and we have only seven years before we lose the levers of control.”

No, on second thoughts I am going to stop you. 'Lose the levers of control?' Tell me, you sanctimonious, inbred, radar-eared twat, when do you think we first got the levers of control? I'm not too picky, so to the nearest decade when did we first become able to control - excuse my lack of a straight face - the 150 million km² of land and its albedo, the 5 quadrillion tonnes of atmosphere, the 1.4 quintillion tonnes of water, the 2 octillion tonnes of fusing hydrogen a few light minutes away from here as well as the plant's orbit around it, and on top of that lot the possibility of cosmic rays from far away stars that carked it when our species wasn't even a dirty thought in what passed for the mind of some ancient gibbon? Fucking hell, but the idea that we ever had our hand on the climate's 'levers of control' doesn't even pass the giggle test. Go back to your beehives or whatever over-priced tat you're knocking out these days.

Starting from a point so ridiculous and away with the fucking fairies it's not even worth fisking the rest of it. I'll just add it to the list while trying not to snort tea and spray it over the monitor.

• Probably should have happened by now - New York's West Side Highway impassable due to being underwater - Dr. James Hansen (1988/89 interview)
• "Imminently" - loss of world's coral reefs - David Attenborough ('world’s tropical reefs face ‘imminent destruction’ unless CO2 levels are slashed')
• Late 2013 - ice free Arctic - Al Gore (North Pole will be ice free in five years')
• 2014 - the whole world and everything fucked up beyond repair - WWF.
• Dec 2016 - the whole world and everything all fucked up beyond repair - the Prince of Wails and the 100 months mob
• Dec 2016 - loss of 'the levers of control' for the climate - the Prince of Fails... again.
• Late 2019 - ice free Arctic - Pen Hadow (ten years to Arctic ice loss)
• Late 2019 - the whole world and everything fucked up beyond repair - UK Met Office.
• Late 2029 - loss of Great Barrier Reef - marine scientist Charlie Veron ('global warming will destroy the World Heritage site within just 20 years')

And to think I thought he was off his head when it emerged that he talked to plants.