The Angry Exile: Here's one for all you smokers out there

The Hangman

Into our town the Hangman came,
Smelling of gold and blood and flame.
And he paced our bricks with a diffident air,
And built his frame in the courthouse square.
The scaffold stood by the courthouse side,
Only as wide as the door was wide;
A frame as tall, or little more,
Than the capping sill of the courthouse door.
And we wondered, whenever we had the time,
Who the criminal, what the crime
That the Hangman judged with the yellow twist
of knotted hemp in his busy fist.
And innocent though we were, with dread,
We passed those eyes of buckshot lead --
Till one cried: "Hangman, who is he
For whom you raised the gallows-tree?"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
And he gave us a riddle instead of reply:
"He who serves me best," said he,
"Shall earn the rope of the gallows-tree."
And he stepped down, and laid his hand
On a man who came from another land.
And we breathed again, for another's grief
At the Hangman's hand was our relief
And the gallows-frame on the courthouse lawn
By tomorrow's sun would be struck and gone.
So we gave him way, and no one spoke,
Out of respect for his Hangman's cloak.
The next day's sun looked mildly down
On roof and street in our quiet town,
And stark and black in the morning air
Was the gallows-tree in the courthouse square.
And the Hangman stood at his usual stand
With the yellow hemp in his busy hand;
With his buckshot eye and his jaw like a pike
And his air so knowing and business-like.
And we cried, "Hangman, have you not done
Yesterday, with the foreign one?"
Then we fell silent, and stood amazed,
"Oh, not for him was the gallows raised."
He laughed a laugh as he looked at us:
"Did you think I'd gone to all this fuss
To hang one man? That's a thing I do
To stretch a rope when the rope is new."
Then one cried "Murder!" and one cried "Shame!"
And into our midst the Hangman came
To that man's place. "Do you hold," said he,
"with him that was meant for the gallows-tree?"
And he laid his hand on that one's arm.
And we shrank back in quick alarm!
And we gave him way, and no one spoke
Out of fear of his Hangman's cloak.
That night we saw with dread surprise
The Hangman's scaffold had grown in size.
Fed by the blood beneath the chute,
The gallows-tree had taken root;
Now as wide, or a little more,
Than the steps that led to the courthouse door,
As tall as the writing, or nearly as tall,
Halfway up on the courthouse wall.
The third he took -- we had all heard tell --
Was a usurer, and an infidel.
"What," said the Hangman "have you to do
With the gallows-bound, and he a Jew?"
And we cried out, "Is this one he
Who has served you well and faithfully?"
The Hangman smiled: "It's a clever scheme
to try the strength of the gallows-beam."
The fourth man's dark, accusing song
Had scratched our comfort hard and long;
"And what concern," he gave us back.
"Have you for the doomed -- the doomed and Black?"
The fifth. The sixth. And we cried again,
"Hangman, Hangman, is this the man?"
"It's a trick," he said. "that we hangmen know
For easing the trap when the trap springs slow."
And so we ceased, and asked no more,
As the Hangman tallied his bloody score.
And sun by sun, and night by night,
The gallows grew to monstrous height.
The wings of the scaffold opened wide
Till they covered the square from side to side;
And the monster cross-beam, looking down,
Cast its shadow across the town.
Then through the town the Hangman came,
Through the empty streets, and called my name --
And I looked at the gallows soaring tall,
And thought, "There is no one left at all
For hanging, and so he calls to me
To help pull down the gallows-tree."
So I went out with right good hope
To the Hangman's tree and the Hangman's rope.
He smiled at me as I came down
To the courthouse square through the silent town.
And supple and stretched in his busy hand
Was the yellow twist of the hempen strand.
And he whistled his tune as he tried the trap,
And it sprang down with a ready snap --
And then with a smile of awful command
He laid his hand upon my hand.
"You tricked me. Hangman!," I shouted then,
"That your scaffold was built for other men...
And I no henchman of yours," I cried,
"You lied to me, Hangman. Foully lied!"
Then a twinkle grew in the buckshot eye,
"Lied to you? Tricked you?" he said. "Not I.
For I answered straight and I told you true --
The scaffold was raised for none but you.
For who has served me more faithfully
Then you with your coward's hope?" said he,
"And where are the others who might have stood
Side by your side in the common good?"
"Dead," I whispered. And amiably
"Murdered," the Hangman corrected me:
"First the foreigner, then the Jew...
I did no more than you let me do."
Beneath the beam that blocked the sky
None had stood so alone as I.
The Hangman noosed me, and no voice there
Cried "Stop!" for me in the empty square.

Maurice Ogden

Friday, 10 June 2011

Here's one for all you smokers out there

Apologies for the light posting. Real life priorities have been, well, a priority. In the meantime and especially for those of my fellow bloggers and either of my readers who enjoy a smoke, I saw this and thought of you.

It'd be funnier-haha rather than funny-bitter laugh if it wasn't so close to the truth, the main unrealistic aspect being that they wouldn't even allow smokers to go out on a ledge these days (elfinsafetee, you know, can't let people open the windows any more anyway). Still, there is a little bit of comfort for the smokers in that, as we all should know by now, you and the drinkers are being joined in the firing line by the fatties and salad dodgers, and in the state next door this means - you guessed it - new laws about labels on so called junk food.

Jane Martin, senior policy advisor at the Obesity Policy Coalition...

Some might say senior nannying stick insect for some puffed up bunch of self righteous Kraft durch Freude wowsers, but that's perhaps a little cruel. I was quite fond of stick insects as a kid and can't recall ever being bossed around by one.

... said she wasn't shocked to read the offending burger – the Ultimate Double Whopper – packed a punch of 5085 kilojoules, 80.5 grams of fat and 2.3 grams of sodium.
New South Wales was the first Australian state to introduce legislation, effective from February next year, whereby all takeaway franchises with more than 20 outlets were required to include the kilojoule count on their menus.
But this didn't go far enough, according to Ms Martin...

Is there anybody reading who didn't see that coming? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

... who said all states and territories should want to introduce this legislation, as well as tax on unhealthy foods and a subsidy scheme for low-income earners to eat healthier.

And of course the Korpulenz Politik Koalition isn't the only one having a whinge about the Ultimate Double Whopper and the chain who sell it. For added bitter laughter have a butcher's at the name of the whingers.

Packing an artery-clogging 5085 kilojoules, 80.5 grams of fat and 2.3 grams of sodium, the Hungry Jack's Ultimate Double Whopper has been named the unhealthiest single menu option in Australian fast food.
Consumer advocate CHOICE looked at all items on offer at major Australian fast food outlets, and Hungry Jack's claimed not only the title but also the second position with its Angry Angus Double Burger, with 3276 kilojoules, 52.1 grams of fat and 1.7 grams of sodium.
[...]
CHOICE is pushing for all states to join New South Wales, which has introduced legislation for any store with more than 20 outlets to have kilojoule details displayed on their menus.

Nannies see this all the time

CHOICE there, showing little to no understanding of the meaning of the fucking word. Personally I wouldn't eat a Hungry Jack's Ultimate Double Whopper if you paid me, though not because it's unhealthy and people think I shouldn't so much as I just think that Hungry Jack's make among the most shit burgers money can buy and I'd rather have a Macca's if I was going to have a cheap takeaway at all. This, CHOICE, is what's known as, er, "choice", and it's mine, not yours.

Better budge up on your ledge, smokers. It's not just the drinkers you need to make room for. In the meantime I suggest anyone visiting Australia who might like a burger gives New South Wales a miss. Oh, and try a burger with a slice of beetroot in. It's very Aussie and bloody weird, but it's a good weird.