Ex Number Ten, now looking out for Number One.

I've noticed that Guido had been keeping track of how often the much lamentable former Prime Mentalist and now full time Member for Kirkaldy and Cowdenbeath has actually shown up in Westminster for longer than it takes to ink some paper to ensure he gets paid (it was two or three times in nearly three months the last I remember), and there was some suggestion there that the Cyclopean fuckwit was too busy writing his book to do any actual representing of his constituency. Certainly he's not been doing much, well, actually any voting.

I don't know, maybe it might not bother his constituents much that he was elected to do a job - hmmm, that phrase sound oddly familiar - that he's not now doing although he's apparently still able to show up often enough to make sure his 65 grand a year is safe. But if Gordon's plans come off he may not have to bother doing even that much. Since the book profits are going to charidees 'associated with the Brown family', though fuck knows who's going to buy it, he's apparently out to boost his income by emulating Tony Blair and charging big fees on the after dinner speaking circuit. Funny, Gordon was supposed to have hated Blair but in some ways it seems almost like he wishes to become Blair.

The former prime minister is aiming to secure bookings worth $100,000 (£64,000) a night, it has been reported.

Or roughly his current annual salary. This might sound like a lot for perhaps three quarters of an hour to an hour's 'work' but at the rate he's going it could be about as much time as he's likely to spend in Westminster anyway.

Mr Brown has asked a London speaking agency to find engagements for him in the Middle East and Asia, according to The Spectator.

So let me get this straight. He's not getting offers, he's just putting himself out there as a speaker. I wonder how long he'll have to wait before the queues form.

The magazine claimed that Mr Brown would also require clients to pay for five-star hotel accommodation, a first-class flight and three business-class flights.

Gosh, that's a shock. I thought he'd be wanting to pay for that out of his fee. Still, makes a change from the taxpayer coughing up for his travel and board, except of course those trips down the the Westminster cashpoint probably aren't coming out of Gordon's pocket.

Mr Brown’s wife Sarah could accompany him to engagements, such as award ceremonies, for an extra $20,000 (£12,800), it was reported.

What a bargain. I can't think of anything a big do needs more than the wife of one of the shortest serving and worst British Prime Minister's turning up not to speak herself but to fucking watch him do it, for only 20% more than the already insane fee he wants for verbally fellating himself in public. You'd have to be mad to pass up such an offer unless someone even better came along.

Look I’ve got my old pledge card a bit battered and crumpled, we said we’d provide more turches churches teachers and we have.

Okay, maybe his Lordshit isn't a great example.

An executive at one London speakers’ bureau said: "We all have a fairly good idea about the general demand out there for different people, and I haven't heard of a single request for Gordon Brown, so I'm surprised anyone wants to pay him that much".

Yeah, that's about what I thought. Good luck getting anything like that, Gordon.

A spokesman for Mr Brown last night said: "Gordon has of course had many invitations to speak from around the world and a range of institutions.
“But at the moment he is focussed on his constituency work...”

What fucking constituency work? Okay, he's done a few surgeries and we'll give him the benefit of doubt and assume he's written a few letters on behalf of constituents, but the record of actually representing them in Parliament remains no votes and not a word said since before the election. According to The Telegraph his friends are saying he's just keeping out of the way while a new leader of the Labour party is sorted out and will be about more later in the year, though since his book is due out round then I'd suggest that his constituents not expect his job to get in the way of book promoting and publicity. And then, since he's said he's hoping for a future in international development, and obviously between all the after dinner speaking engagements, he's bound to find loads of time to look after the interests of the people who elected him.

Isn't he?

Or should the prick just have fucked off to the Chiltern Hundreds back in May?