Training cats.

It was just an idea since it occured to me that house training cats is pretty straightforward and plenty have been taught to crap in the toilet instead of a litter box. Ours differentiate between the noises of containers and kitchen cupboards on the basis of what might involve food or treats for them so they're clearly capable of making connections. And if they can make connections it must be possible to teach them things, so much to the amusement of Mrs Exile I thought I'd have a go.

Jesus, it's hard. While one of them seems to have grasped the concept of "stay" when she really wanted to follow me calling "come here"achieved absolutely nothing apart from getting the dog to put in an unwanted appearance and send the cat off in a huff. "Sit" seems to work sometimes on the other one but I have a feeling he was usually planning to sit anyway, and again has an undesired side effect if the dog is nearby. In fact about the only common command all three of our pets are able to understand is "lookI'mnottellingyouagainjustfuckofforI'llminceyou".

The dog's algebra lessons have been postponed indefinitely.