When in a hole dig as hard as you can.

That must be the advice Geoff Hoon has been given since, like Byers, he's trying to excuse the fake lobbyist fellatio by saying he was gilding the lily.

Mr Hoon was confronted with remarks from the transcript of his conversation with the lobbyists in which he disccused how he could translate his knowledge and contacts into “something that, bluntly, makes money”.

He also described how he could help US firms take advantage of the position of “vulnerable” European defence companies.

He said today: “I recognise that I was guilty of showing off, I think is the best expression that I could use. I was trying to impress, I was trying to demonstrate my knowledge and experience, background in a particular sector."

Hoon, you twist and turn like a twisty turny thing, only not as well as Blackadder. If you were being straight with the people you thought were lobbyists you look a corrupt sack of shit. If you were bullshitting them, which appears to be more or less what you're saying now, it looks instead like you're happy to lie to prospective employers about what you can and can't achieve. This is probably not the best move towards achieving a lucrative post-parliamentary career so, ruling out revolvers and scotch in private libraries for all the obvious reasons, I suggest you learn the correct order in which to assemble the ingredients of a Big Mac.

Vile little bastard.