Nutter of the week.

Actually nutter of last week since it's taken me several days to notice this.

An image of Jesus has appeared in burned bacon fat at the bottom of a frying pan, it has been claimed.

Oh for Chri... er, fuck's sake.

Toby Elles, 22, made the discovery after burning the food when he fell asleep while cooking.
After lifting off the scorched bacon Mr Elles, from Salford, Lancs, could not believe his eyes when the Christlike image stared back at him.
The face is complete with eyes, nose, a beard and is framed by long flowing hair.

Well, let's have a look then.

Okay, I'll grant you that it looks kind of like a bearded man, but does that mean it's Jesus and not some randomised scraps of carbonised bacon fat? Not only does it seem unlikely that Jesus, who was Jewish if I recall, would choose to re-appear in bacon fat, but the idea of Jesus in frying pans has already occurred here on Earth.* Personally I think it looks like John Lennon without his glasses.

Mr Elles, a cashier for Halifax Bank, said: "I fell asleep cooking some bacon and it had burned this face onto the pan, it's some kind of miracle."

A miracle you didn't get barbecued, you mean?

"If it wasn't for the smoke of the bacon burning this onto the pan it could have been a very bad situation, perhaps someone's looking over me."

Someone probably ought to if you make a habit of taking a nap while cooking food.

"I'm not going to scrub it clean though, just in case I get struck by lightning, it's going to take pride of place on a wall instead.
"It's become quite a talking point for people who come round to the house and I have even thought I might get a glass cabinet to put it in.
"I'm going to keep it for the rest of my life, perhaps it can watch over me."

That's just going to get you sooooo laid, isn't it? Never mind, perhaps you could get a dog instead.

He works in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform. Most wondrous mysterious of all is that the fucking Telegraph had nothing better to do than write this utterly papulent nonsense up. Not at all wondrous is that nobody there actually put their name to it.

* The Jesus Pan site seems able to take orders via Paypal so I assume it's not a joke site. This blog will now be suspended while I bang my head gently on the desk for a little while.