Inevitability.

From something like this must come something like this.

The department for children and schools and the teaching unions have agreed a new programme designed to leave an entire generation of children mentally scarred for life.

Teacher Martin Bishop, from Doncaster, said: "I've already rigged up a convincing mutilated corpse in the stationery cupboard and just wait until 3C get a visit from Rapey Roger, the Satanic Clown."

Was Obnoxio already booked?

The new programme was approved after a successful pilot scheme in Evesham where teachers staged a horrifyingly authentic fake shooting to teach pupils that being gunned down in a gangland turf war will probably hurt.

Headmaster, Norman Steele, said: "A small number of pupils currently have the kind of thousand-yard-stare you used to see in Vietnam veterans and secure mental hospitals, but most of them had stopped screaming by home time. In our defence, it was very funny."

Glorius stuff from The Daily Mash but it must be said that TDM owe an enormous debt of gratitude to the fuckwitted twats who think this kind of thing passes for a fucking science lesson. So do Cracked.com, who no doubt already have it pencilled in for the number one spot in Seven Terrifying Lessons Your Child May Be Taught In A British School.