Monday, 1 February 2010

Australia wants you (dead).

Cracked on Australia.
  1. Australia is the largest island nation in the world, straddling the border of the Pacific and Indian Ocean.
  2. It has a rich and exotic ecosystem supporting fantastic flora and fauna...all of which were unfortunately eaten by the monsters that live there.
  3. Its primary spoken language is screaming.
It's a good read but actually they missed a few things out. I'd make a list but I really don't want to spend the rest of the week wondering why I'm not dead yet.
Things in Australia that Will Kill You.

Everything. No, seriously: Everything.
Almost. There's even an Aussie version of stinging nettles, but of course it's the size of a tree. Frankly I think we should count ourselves lucky the damn things don't uproot themselves and follow people home to kill them. Yet.
Things in Australia that Will Not Kill You.
....

Hugh Jackman seems nice.
I'm not sure what that says about Kylie Minogue.

5 comments:

  1. After spiders, now you give me the 20 foot nettle? I hear the Australian Tourist Board has a contract out on you. ;-)

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  2. Heh, they'll have to come get me first. I've surrounded the garden with giant stinging trees and I'm working on a device to catapult redback spiders at people.

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  3. Incidentally, I've since found out that those giant stinger trees can carry on stinging for a month after you've brushed up against it. Fuck Queensland, I'd rather take the desert. :-)

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  4. "...I've since found out that those giant stinger trees can carry on stinging for a month after you've brushed up against it."

    !!!

    And I thought Pandora was a deathtrap...

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  5. Well, if any part of Australia would have giant six legged killer possums and tall blue people it probably would be Queensland.

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