Tory morons.

If David Cameron is the brightest in the Tory party then they really are fucked (as is Britain given that they're likely to be the next government). But he's the one saying that local Conservative Associations should be thinking about deselecting troughing MPs, or at least the worst offenders, and the local Conservative Associations are saying they're more or less happy with their MPs.

But one day after Mr Cameron told local parties that they should deselect MPs they regard as unsuitable, only one ... local party contacted failed to express support for its MP. Heather Burwin, the chairman of Totnes Conservative Association, whose MP is Antony Steen, said that a decision on his future would be taken on Friday.

The article mentions rumours about deselecting, but that's as far as it goes. So not even one CA has positively come out and said that their MP is a troughing cunt and that they're going to bin the bastard in favour of someone who'll hopefully have a little more respect for taxpayers' money as well as being less of an electoral embarrassment. You can't count Douglas Hogg's CA since he's already agreed to fall on his sword or jump in his moat or whatever.

More typical was Vivienne Chapman, the deputy chairman of Surrey Heath Conservatives, Michael Gove’s constituency. Mr Gove has been forced to repay more than £7,000 that he spent furnishing his house in north Kensington.

Ms Chapman said: “Michael is an extremely hard worker in this constituency and very well regarded by the constituents. He’s one of those people with the highest integrity and honesty. I think he was the first MP to hold a public meeting and people felt that he had given honest answers.”

I expect UKIP are nursing semis if Surrey Thief Heath Conservatives are anything to go by. And just down the road...

In Bracknell, where Andrew MacKay was forced to resign as Mr Cameron’s Commons aide over his second homes claims, the local association said that as far as deselection was concerned “nothing could be farther” from their minds.

Mary Ballin, Mr MacKay’s agent, said: “He has been an outstanding MP over the last 26 years and the association and his constituents know it.”

You daft fucks, I am one of his constituents* and I don't call ripping off the taxpayers' hard earned anything remotely fucking near to outstanding performance as an MP. Never mind deselection, fucking defenestration should be on the agenda.

Christian Mitchell, the chairman of Horsham Conservative Association, told The Times that activists were “right behind” Francis Maude, who claimed almost £35,000 in two years for mortgage interest payments on a London flat when he owned a house just a few hundred yards away.

“Francis had already given an explanation of it to the association, which we had heard and accepted.”

I'd love to have been a fly on the wall at that meeting. How the fuck can anyone plausibly explain the need for the taxpayer to shell out for a flat when the shit munching dog cock already had a fucking house nearby? Mr Mitchell must now be the top target in Sussex for any emails telling him he's won non-existent lotteries that he's never heard of, much less entered.

David Davis, a former Shadow Home Secretary, spent more than £10,000 of taxpayers’ money on home improvements in four years, including a £5,700 portico at his home in Yorkshire. Yesterday his local Conservative association chairman, Helen Gilmour, said that “not a single person has been in touch” regarding Mr Davis’s expenses. “We have no problems whatsover with Mr Davis.”

Has it occurred to you that while you may not have a problem the voters of your constituency might? After all David Davies has not that long ago been re-elected after he triggered a by-election on civil liberties issues, and since it now turns out that he may be more interested in taking liberties with his expenses some of his constituents might wonder if they made a mistake in re-electing him.

I don't doubt that the same thing is being repeated all over the country though it probably won't trouble them too much in the safe Tory seats, which is most of the seats they actually have these days. But if it shows anything at all it shows that the Tories can be just as fucking stupid and resistant to much needed reform at grassroots level. Why are people like this?


UPDATE: Not just Tory morons I see, but Margaret Moron Moran's local morons are supporting her too. This could be good for Esther Rantzen if she does decide to challenge for Luton South(ampton) in the next election.

*Okay, being as I'm an ex-pat this is a technicality but I can still vote in his constituency and no, MacKay can't count on my vote. I'd have voted for someone else anyway but if I'd been inclined to vote Tory I'd be wondering why the fuck I bothered to fill in the overseas vote registration in the first place.