The motherfucker of parliaments.

Their words, not mine, and satire anyway.

As Labour proposed an independent audit committee in its latest deliberate attempt to miss the fucking point, MPs spoke openly about how they had been abused repeatedly by the expenses system.

Barbara Follet, the millionaire Labour MP married to a millionaire author, said it was 'outrageous' that she had been forced to defend her millionaire decision to buy three pairs of matching trainers for her pet fly.

Follett added: "He is a size six, he just happens to have very big feet for his age. And anyway, it's the system that's a repulsive, grasping turd on legs, not me."

You know what? Apart from the fly it sounds depressingly plausible.