The government you deserve...

People of the Unhinged Kingdom, a brief word if I may?

Are you fucking thick or what? How can over 30% of you rate Gordon Clown and his mob as ahead on the NHS, education, affordable housing and welfare reform? The NHS is an over-managed bureaucracy, the nation's schools turn out millions of uneducated dullards capable only of passing exams that would barely test a fucking chicken, the provision of affordable housing helped create the fucking financial crisis and push half the world's economies into the shitter, and all Gordon's done with welfare reform in nearly twelve fucking years is to make it complicated to understand and fucking hard to wean yourself off of. The only thing they've been any fucking good at is turning the Labour Party into IngSoc and shaving away a little more of your freedom every day. Can you not see that spunking away untold billions on these and other public services is a large part of how the country got fucked? Do you not understand that the money has now run out? And you seriously want more of the same?

Well fine, in that case I hope the cunts win. I hope they win and spend the next five years so severely fucking you all that eventually you'll cry at the very sight of one of them. And then I hope they fuck you a bit more. And if after that you still prefer them in charge then I hope they win again and discover the fountain of youth so Gordon can stay there forever (if he wants to he's practically there already apart from the immortality bit), or until someone else from that shower of bastards can take over, so they can carry on fucking you. Personally I'd rather wipe my arse with a rusty cheese grater than vote for them but clearly enough of you are queueing up to kowtow to the architects of your own ruin, so if that's what you want then fuck you. Fuck you and fuck them. I'm off that stinking shit infested pile of rock and never have to go back, and for the majority who don't want to spend the next five years gripping their ankles in pain and humiliation I'd strongly suggest you do the same. Leave the sycophants and client state behind and let the whole fucking shooting match implode. When the last the last of them has eaten himself because the country has produced fuck all apart from unnecessary laws and fucking cameras for so long then those who don't mind the crappy weather can move back, brush the mess into a landfill, concrete it over and start again.

Oh hang on a mo. I've just re-read that and it's compared to the Tories. Sorry, of course you really are about as fucked with that lot of clueless twats as you are with Gordon Clown & Co. Obviously one must technically be better than the other but it's practically impossible to tell which and relatively insignificant anyway. As with most (but certainly not all) of the alternatives you'll just get fucked slightly more gently and maybe get a kiss and a little foreplay first. There may be better choices available in the future, and we should all hope so, but in the meantime you might be best hoping for a hung Parliament. And I don't necessarily mean no overall control.

Apologies.